Friday, October 30, 2015

Antiques, Stigma-breaking, and a Conference

"There isn't anything I wouldn't go through to spend a little time with you"
~Spend a Little Time, Steven Fiore


Life has been pretty busy lately (I feel like I start every blog post with a statement similar to this...). Between classes and play rehearsal, I've been trying to find fun and interesting things to do, and have been trying to take advantage of the BEAUTIFUL fall we've been having! The colors and the weather right now are absolutely breath-taking, and I wanna enjoy it while it lasts!

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day. My friend Anita came home for the weekend, and we spent the day wandering around downtown CL! It's full of cute little shops and beautiful areas, and I think yesterday's weather really made it perfect. We went to a cute coffeeshop, then got gourmet cupcakes, wandered around some shops, explored an antique shop. It was really, really nice.

A couple weeks ago was a week full of honor society stuff. Over the summer, our Phi Theta Kappa executive board worked really hard to research and put together an event on our campus to help break the stigma of mental illness. On Monday, October 5, we had our event, and I think it went all right! I was a little disappointed because of the low turnout, but our board members did a good job making everything run smoothly! We had videos, a panel discussion, and keepsake and pledge making. I got some of my friends from the play to show up, and they said they enjoyed the experience!

a friend of mine took this snapchat of me while I spoke at the event!

a slam poem video made by my friends was shown

Our executive board plus the college president and random pikachu shirt guy that no one knows

board members and volunteers with our tree banner (that I drew :))
We also went to a conference that included speakers, a night of bonfires and hayrides and uke playing around a campfire (so many people joined in and sang it was so fun!), and playing Mao with friends from other schools!

I was always looking when the camera guy came by

we met in seminar groups to discuss the speakers

pretty place where we ate dinner and hung out

we played huge games of ninja! and I won ;)

we made s'mores too

found a corner by the fountain with my friends and played uke

played uke and sang along 

we gave a presentation on Google Drive

did an improv silent skit

there was a steak n shake next to our hotel and we went there late at night

Well yeah!

With love,

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Mid Semester Blues

Over the last couple of days, I have felt kinda bad. I've felt kinda bad because I'm not totally proud of the way I've been handling this mid semester slump that I think I'm going through at the moment. Like most people, my motivation is suffering because there isn't really an end in sight... Thanksgiving Break is still over a month away. While I do enjoy my classes, they aren't easy and if I'm struggling with motivation, it is ten times harder to do well. I recognize intellectually that I need to probably kick myself into high gear, and I've had some little spurts of this. However, sometimes I just feel like staying in bed and doing nothing. Since I like lists, I'm just going to list-rant about my feelings at the moment.

A. Tired. I try to go to bed at a reasonable time, but it's almost like I feel guilty about doing so because that usually means not studying, or working on something

B. Insecure. What really sucks about this is that I have the tendency to get really insecure all around when I'm lacking this sense of motivation. Sometimes, it's even to the point where I get annoyed/hurt by my friends more than usual if they say or do something that even slightly bothers me. I feel really bad about this, but I don't really know how to express it. It's really conflicting because there's one side of me that says I need to just be tougher, but at the same time, I do think my feelings are still legitimate even if I am a little off.

C. Unhealthy. This one is tough because of my schedule. Generally, meals during the day aren't much of anything- a drink at Starbucks at the least and a small lunch at the Den at the most. However, on an eight meal plan I usually just wait until dinner to have a real meal. I have food from the store in my room, but I think the problem with the quality of my eating is more that I'm busy and not really thinking about it too much. It's almost like I just need the energy so badly I don't care about much else. I don't think I'm gaining or losing any weight, but I'm keeping my eyes out. 

D. Perhaps the most important thing that I feel right now is just this sense of loneliness that isn't very rational but still exists. If you looked at my life from an objective standpoint, it may not seem like I have the right to feel this way. This isn't consistent, and it isn't affecting me to the point where I am seriously concerned about my well being. However, there are nights when I want to cry for no reason, or I just go through all these scenarios in my head about how I'm just not good enough for people based on the things that I say and do. Those nights are tough because I feel like anyone who I tell would just say I'm being silly and overthinking things. So I don't really talk about it too much, but it's there. 

I guess it's nice to just lay it all out there because I do feel that I somehow always need to maintain this sunny disposition I'm known for. Most people who know me seem to appreciate this about me above most else- so if I expressed all of this to them I do fear that it would take away from this image I try so strongly to portray. Now, I don't mean I'm being fake- I am genuinely happy a lot of the time but I am only human. Right now, it's just taking a little more effort than usual to walk around with a smile. That's never stopped me before, so I don't plan on letting it now. The funny thing is, I love to talk but I hate admitting the truth sometimes. I like to try to show it; I like to try to communicate to people that I feel a lil' bad about myself right now without saying those exact words, or I make an exaggerated joke in hopes that they'll get it. I feel kinda bad that I've been doing this more than usual lately. It's not really fair. I don't like passive aggressiveness, but I think this more comes from a place of "I'm afraid to admit that things are hurting a little bit extra these days" rather than "I'm kinda sad actually but I'm just gonna hint at it muhahaha". I do think it matters what place things come from.

All in all, I am well aware that these things are mostly temporary, and very common. This is not intended to be a giant complaining fest- I am grateful for many things right now. I cannot pretend anymore that I do not need an outlet, and hopefully my next post will be rooted in joy and smiles. All in all this semester has been important, busy and good. Right now, I'm just tired. Tonight, I decided that I'm going to put this down in words  so that I know it's true. This way, I can keep moving forward and figuring this stuff out. 

Goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight,


Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Walk in the Woods

"I don't care if loneliness kills me, I don't want to love somebody else"


So life has been really great lately! The weather is finally getting cooler, turning into that beautiful, crisp fall air. I've been waiting for the days of wearing sweaters and drinking tea and exploring the woods surrounded by falling leaves.

The other day, my friends and I went on a scenic walk through a forest area in our town. It was absolutely beautiful out, so we took advantage of that and took some nice photos! Although we did get lost a couple times, it was a fun adventure for a few hours! Looking forward to doing it again when autumn is in full swing.

dress and shoes from Ross • socks from Target
It was such a fun afternoon/evening! 
Also, the play is going very well! Our set is built and we've finished blocking. We're working on memorization right now and are doing our second full run of the show tonight. We're also going to take publicity photos with some ideas of our costumes! Hopefully I'll be able to share some of those shots later.

With love,